


Cant Bear the Pain

by Rien_milo



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Banana Fish Angst Week 2019, M/M, Okumura Eiji Needs a Hug, Pining, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Self-harmer eiji
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 07:14:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,377
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17382077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rien_milo/pseuds/Rien_milo
Summary: Eiji's life didn't go well as an athlete until he met Ash...





	Cant Bear the Pain

"Eiji!!"

 

"Someone call the ambulance!"

 

"Get the medics!"

 

It all felt like a blur.

 

He was on the ground, his heart and his head was pounding. He wanted the pain to stop from his ankle, he want's to pass out and never be awake again.

 

But it never happend.

 

Weeks passed and his foot was completely healed. He tried to jump again but he lost motivation to keep going, it's not easy to fly again... It was never easy.

 

As Ibe stopped taking pictures, he went to Eiji."Ei-chan, maybe you should get some rest." He patted Eiji's back and Eiji smiled sadly at him."Maybe I should."

 

Then Eiji went home to get some rest, but he didn't feel like he should rest. He needed something to remove the pain, tears welled up his eyes and he felt like he doesn't deserve this world.

 

Eiji went to the bathroom, ignoring his sister's worried look. He wasn't in the mood to talk her or to anyone, he want's to be alone.

 

He looked at himself, he was pale and there were bags on his eyes. He never felt so pathetic in his life, so empty, so depressed. He wanted to end it and his life.

 

His eyes widened as he saw a razor at an opened cabinet, he grabbed it and his hands felt shaky.' _Why should I be scared? Im pathetic, worthless, useless_.'

 

His eyes were dull and tears were falling on his eyes. He started cutting himself one by one on his left wrist.' _I deserve this i'm nothing in this world I deserve to be--_ '

 

 

"Eiji!! Ibe is here!"

 

 

He flinched and dropped the razor that full of blood, he panicked and picked it up then washed it. He cleaned the floor and his wrists.

 

He wrapped some bandage on his wrists so it won't bleed so much, then he quickly went to his room to fine a long-sleeve shirt to cover his wrist.

 

"Eiji?"

 

Ibe was knocking on the door and Eiji panicked, he hid the shirt that was covered a bit of blood under the futon then Ibe opened the door.

 

"Eiji? What are you doing?" Ibe asked and Eiji sweatdropped. Eiji panicked and was looking for something to say."I-i was making the bed!"

 

Ibe just looked at him and nodded."Ok then... But I have something to tell you." Ibe let himself in as Eiji stood up."What is it ibe-san?" Ibe sighed and said.

 

 

"We're going to America."  


 

 

And that's how Eiji went to America, he stopped cutting when he met Ash. He felt something that made him stop, his cuts were healing but some them left as scar because he cutted himself deeply it made him almost faint.

 

Ash was the reason why he stopped, he also jumped with an old pipe when they were in danger back then he felt could fly but maybe never as an athlete.

 

But when he heard that Skipper was shot by Marvin, he felt the itch to cut again but he stopped himself he doesn't want Ash to notice and have more problems.

 

After days went by he also met Ash's brother, Griffin. When Ash passed the message to Eiji, but he was shot by that scientist when Ash's brother came out of the room.

 

He blames himself for what happend, he keep scratching his arm and looking away or go to the bathroom. Little did he know, Ash knew something.

 

That's when Eiji met Shorter, they get along very well. They also joked around when the mood was fun and free but when there's something serious happend, the all go quiet and Ash and Shorter deals with something.

 

But something happend, when Eiji felt a drop of blood splattered on his cheek and the slump of the body on top of him. Eiji felt shaky, tears were dripping on both cheeks.

 

' _No Shorter... It should have been me_.' Eiji thought, holding shorter, crying on his shoulder.

 

After days passed, when he and Ash were back at the hideout except Ash couldn't get Shorter's body, Eiji started blaming himself again.

 

_'It's all my fault.'_

 

' _I don't deserve to live_.'

 

' _Shorter doesn't deserve this_.'

 

Eiji then remembered cutting himself again, how much he want to resist himself but couldn't.

 

Eiji went to the bathroom, he started to find a sharp thing to cut. The he saw a razor on top of a cabinet. He placed the razor on his arm to start cutting but he stopped.

 

' _I shouldn't be doing this... But_.' He opened his eyes not remembering he closed them.'This is the only way.' He gulped and started cutting himself, he made the cut deeper, on his left and right arm.

 

He included his thighs, his arms were bleeding and the razor was full of blood. He then remembered Shorter, how he sacrificed himself. Then Skipper, how didn't get to thank him. Then Ash...

 

 

' _I don't deserve him. I am just a burden to him. I don't deserve him. I am just a burden. I don't deserve him. I am just a burden. I should just_ \--.'

 

 

"Eiji...? Where are you?"

 

 

Eiji gasped and dropped the razor, which led into a loud noise. The person knocked the door."Eiji are you in there? It's me Ash." Eiji tried to stand and he whimpered in pain."Eiji? Eiji open the door."

 

He stood up again and he collapsed with a loud thud."Eiji!" The doorknob was shuffling and Eiji's heart was pounding, his throat dry and blood were dripping on the floor.

 

"Eiji im coming in." Ash said with a serious voice. Eiji's eyes widened."A-ash please don't!--." The door went open and Ash saw Eiji on the bathroom floor, blood were dripping on his arms and thighs.

 

Ash eyes widened, his green eyes pierced on his. Eiji felt tears on both of his cheeks."A-ash im sorry...I shouldn't have done it...im--."

 

Eiji was cut off by a hug, Ash tightend the hug and Eiji felt tears on his neck. Eiji cried and hugged back.

 

"Im sorry! Im sorry! Im sorry!!" He cried on his shoulder and Ash just kept his hug tightened."I-i just can't resist it anymore...im sorry."

 

Eiji keeps apologizing but Ash remained quiet, then Eiji stopped crying and felt his eyes starting to close. Ash loosened himself around him and he pulled Eiji's hand towards the sink.

 

Ash then washed Eiji's cuts, Eiji hissed in pain and was now fully awake. Eiji looked at Ash, he couldn't see his expression since it was covered by his bangs.

 

But Eiji knew he was upset and doesn't want to talk about it for now. Ash then grabbed a bandage to put it around on Eiji's arm, he was still silent while putting it around him.

 

When they were finished, Ash pulled Eiji's hand. Then they went in the bedroom they shared and Ash made Eiji sit down on a chair.

 

Then Ash left Eiji alone.

 

Eiji looked at the direction at where Ash left.'Is he mad? Of course he is... Who wouldn't be.' Then Ash walked in with a wet cloth on his hand and a bowl.

 

"Ash.. I." He was interrupted by Ash, who was putting a cold cloth on his thigh. Eiji yelped and shivered.

 

 

"Sorry."

 

 

Eiji's eyes widened, he saw Ash eyes were puffy and red from crying. His heart tightened at the sight, he just made Ash cry.

 

"Please... Don't leave me too." Ash started to burst out tears from his eyes and hugged Eiji."Please stay by my side... It doesn't have to be forever, even it's just for now."

 

Eiji's heart lightened from the words that Ash said. Eiji patted Ash's back, they held each other for hours not letting each other go like it's the end of the world.

 

Eiji likes Ash's warmth... No, he _loves_ Ash's warmth.

 

Eiji felt heavy then he looked at Ash, who was already asleep in his arms. Eiji smiled, he lay down Ash's body on the bed.

 

Ash was now sleeping peacefully and that made Eiji happy already."It can always be forever, Ash." He kissed Ash's forehead."I will stay with you forever."

 

 

Then the two of them went to sleep peacefully.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhh why did I do this xd sorry guyss this is my first time writing a angst story and I hope your hearts didn't rip in to pieces
> 
>  Edit (04/26/19): so... i read my story again and realized i made some mistakes hehe xd, so now i corrected some of it, and also thank you for reading this guys :D <3 i appreciate it a lot :) <3
> 
>  
> 
> Peace!


End file.
